tweets from the future.

• "Brain sucking aliens will invade the earth and we'll all die trying to imitate the stunts on Jackass."
• "Male doctors will no longer be allowed to become gynecologists when a group of them are caught high-fiving at a convention."
• "Tired of being referred to simply as drunks, Irish Americans will legally change their name to Drunken Americans."
• "Louis Anderson publicly converts to atheism when for the third day in a row his bag of Cheetos gets stuck on a vending machine."
• "The answer to the question 'is there life after death' will finally be answered when the corpse of Winston Churchill holds a press conference and says 'no'."
• "Sales of Izod shirts will decline dramatically, when it is revealed the alligator has a small child in it's mouth."
• "It will be revealed that carrots do not actually improve your eyesight, but they are still number one when it comes to scratching a deep, rectal itch."
• "The French Riviera will be completely abandoned after its name is changed to The Geraldo Riviera."
• "A woman will play and win a tournament for the PGA. When the PGA stands for Poontang Golfers Association."
• "The New York Knicks and N' Sync will sue each other, each claiming it was their idea to be five guys who suck."
• "Conan O'Brien will beat out Jim Carrey for the lead role in The Mask part II. I'm sorry, did I say the The Mask part II? I meant Mask part II- the Rocky Dennis story."
• "Jim Carrey will commit his first murder of a fan after someone who just saw Bruce Almighty approaches Carrey and says 'Almighty then!"